The 2 most harmful words | Slam Poem Infertility

A year ago I wrote this slam poem. Just for me. I had no intention of sharing it.

Today I came across my recording and suddenly felt the need to put this out public. I’ve decided to upload it to YouTube with the idea that people who are not going through infertility have a little bit better and more understanding how we feel. And also to make sure that these 2 innocent (but harmful) words are avoided at all cost…

Slam Poetry ‘Just Relax’ – talking about infertility

Just relax,” the doctor said, “you’re still young.”
there are many procedures that have been tried among,
Look at the photos on the wall,
we’ve created them all.
There is nothing to worry about,
you’re not going home without.

Internal examination
for more information, 
bloodwork and ultrasounds,
but nothing could be found.
Left in total confusion,
unexplained infertility was the only conclusion.

Just relax,” my colleague said, “maybe take a vacation?”
while she left the conversation.
I could feel her frustration,
maybe I owed her an explanation.
She saw that I kept coming in late,
and for breaks never stayed.

Instead I went straight
for another appointment at eight.
And at twelve and at four
and sometimes even more.
Had she known,
I was feeling so alone,
would she have shown,
and changed her tone?

Just relax,” my neighbour said, “want to have one of mine?”
How thoughtful of you, but let me decline.
I’d like to have one of my own design.
But let me redefine.. 
Parenting must be though
and sleepless nights probably rough.

But right now I have enough,
dealing with my own stuff.
But your sleepless night,
sounds to me like a delight
But let us not fight,
We each have our own challenges, right

Just relax,” my friend said, “why don’t you adopt?”
There are already enough kids in the world she mopped.
Maybe this is a sign that it needs to be stopped,
my jaw.. just dropped.
Looking down from her blond curls,
at her 2 beautiful girls.
I couldn’t do else than just swallow,
and feel even more hollow.

Just relax,” my friend said, “and did you already try?”
tracking your temperature
using ovulation tests
a pillow under your bum and 
a handstand after sex
Don’t ask me why
but I’m not going to lie,
I honestly did try..

Just relax,” my other friend said, “and have more sex”
I looked at her with perplex.
Well, after thousands of checks,
it’s a little bit more complex.
I am trying to cope,
without losing hope,
it’s like hanging on the edge of a slope
without any rope.

Some days I’m a mess.
other days I care less.
But I want you to know,
that all the financial press,
the deep emotions and stress,
Are the result of infertility,
not of my capability.

I belong to a secret club,
for which I never ever signed up.

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