Creating a life beyond childlessness

I help female entrepreneurs who are (just like me) childless after IVF, to redesign their life & business for success and happiness 

'Are you ready?' I asked my husband.

Absolutely!’ he answered with a big smile.

After years of thinking about having a baby, the day was finally there. The day that we felt that we would be physically, emotionally, and financially prepared ‘enough’ to start our own little family.

I was living a balanced lifestyle, I was taking my daily vitamins and Folic Acid supplements, I had limited my alcohol intake and had read all I could about breastfeeding and raising kids the so-called natural way.

We were ready to give up certain aspects of our freedom. We were ready to adapt our lifestyle to the needs of our little human. We were ready for sleepless nights and our relationship was better than ever before!

We’ve read the stats: 42% conceived in their first month of trying. 75% conceived by their third month. 88% conceived by six months. 98% conceived by 12 months!

We were so ready!

Calculating the due date, discussing baby names, making a checklist of all the baby stuff we needed, scrolling through forums about pregnancy hacks, and reading all we could find about what to expect as first-time parents.

The stress of infertility is real!

The first 3 months passed by, nothing happened. I started tracking my menstrual cycle, used ovulation kits, and 6 months passed by. We’ve changed positions, I did acupuncture, stayed laying down in bed after sex, and 9 months passed by. I stopped working out as figurously as I did before, I cut out gluten and dairy from my diet, and 12 months passed by.

As someone who likes to be in charge, this was a hard concept for me to come to terms with. But after 1 year we had to face the fact, which we had never ever considered, that it was time to see a fertility doctor.

And while I was going through treatment after treatment, life went on all around us. 

In the course of 5 months:

– my best friend started dating, found a partner, has now a 1,5 year old and broke up with her partner

– my younger brother got 2 children, now 4 and 2 years old

– my parents became grandparents (twice!)

– two of my cousins got a baby with a partner they’ve met only a year before

– my 10 year younger sister-in-law has just given birth

– which makes my parents-in-law grandparents for the first time

– two friends of mine are raising a baby by themselves after getting pregnant from a one-night stand

And there I was...

Trying not to beat myself up over all the boundaries I’ve crossed for myself: ’I’d never do IVF’, ‘I’d never inject myself’, I’d never do more than 3’, I’d… Avoid looking at all the echocardiograms of babies that never made it alive. Try dealing with the fact that our baby name got ‘stolen’ twice, having sex as a scheduled task instead of fun, and putting all of our time, money and energy into babies, that never made it into our arms..

Over the years I became lonelier and lonelier. The constant uncertainty and waiting had put my life on hold and the emotional rollercoaster of infertility took over my marriage, my relationships, my work, my body, in fact, all of me!

Infertility is like climbing a freaking steep mountain

I’ve always compared my infertility journey to climbing the most difficult mountain you could ever think of, and I knew that once I would arrive at the top, I would finally be able to hold my little miracle in my arms.

Every day I would visualize myself standing there on top of that mountain, after all the struggle, carrying her in my arms, softly touching her face, feeling so immensely happy. 

But then one day, while I was sitting in silence, I looked around and noticed that besides the baby, the top of the mountain was very empty. No partner, no friends, no family, no work, no health, no nothing. There was nothing but that baby in my arms.

That was the day that I suddenly realized that I was climbing the wrong mountain!

Because NO, that’s not how I imagined it!

I knew I had to quickly and drastically change the mountain that I was climbing. I started visualizing myself on the top of this new mountain, where my baby was still waiting for me, but… also a loving partner, caring friends, a healthy fit body, a job that I love, and the financial freedom to never feel stressed if I would take a week off.

What I’ve learned the hard way, in the last couple of years, is that trying to stuff all of our hopes into one specific outcome: having a baby, which we anyway can’t control, is a really dangerous game.

You only have ONE life, let’s not waste it!

My name is Rianna Hijlkema

In 2011 I broke up with my boyfriend, sold my house, lost my job, my savings, and my cat. I lost everything, except my car, so I drove to Paris and started all over. Well, not THAT easy. 

I was overwhelmed and very confused, but I found a way to use this major life transition to design a life of my choice. 

Now I’m a multi-passionate serial entrepreneur, digital nomad, full-time traveler, happily married with my soulmate, and one of those who ended up – against all odds – childless after IVF.

Are you a woman who wants to LIVE LIFE ON HER OWN TERMS?

Are you a woman who wants to TAKE BACK CONTROL?

Are you a woman who wants to MAXIMIZE HER LIFE EXPERIENCE?

Welcome, Warrior! You are at the right place!

Join me and 8 other inspiring female entrepreneurs (just like me childless after IVF) on a refreshing, rejuvenating, re-energizing, and re-empowering 3-day retreat in a beautiful location around the world.

I bring together the experience, skills, and knowledge, I developed as a teacher, director, coach, and world traveller to guide you through a powerful 3-day framework to create a fulfilling personal and professional life!

Find (other) goals which light you up, figure out action steps that you’ll actually do, stop overthinking, step into your power and create certainty after these uncertain times.

In this 3-day experience, you’ll remove the ‘hold’ button, and hit the ‘live’ button:

–> You will take a break from your daily routine
–> You will be surrounded by like-minded people
–> You will figure out what matters to you
–> You will use your gifts to your advantage
–> You will write your own terms and conditions
–> You will choose your story
–> You will create new friendships
–> You will take responsibility for your own happiness
–> You will cut out the crap
–> You will have access to professional support
–> You will look fear in the eye, and smile

During this 3-day retreat, you will increase your clarity and confidence, and feel empowered and fully alive again! My life began to change when I found my tribe of fellow childless people. And I want you to feel part of that too! You have to do it all by yourself, but you don’t have to do it all alone!

I’ve no answers, no quick fixes, no formulas, or easy three step plans. You won’t find any out of context quotes telling you that life will eventually work out and you’ll end up with a baby. I’ve had more than my fill of those things already.

Instead in an in-depth process of 3 days I’ll help you figure out what’s on the top of your mountain. 

I’ll guide you through all the things that have been holding you back, I’ll show you how to respond to life instead of reacting to it and help you see all the parts in which you can take back control.

It’s time for you to live a CREATED life again…

The “Wildly Woman Retreat” is for women who are childless after IVF and who are ready to start living life on their own terms again. Women who are ready to step into their power. Join us on this unique journey to discover your other desires, the ones that got forgotten and left behind while dealing with infertility.

Stop putting your life on hold, and start living NOW!

Your life is full of other amazing things that you have the time right now to really focus on and appreciate, the trick is to find them.. and that’s what I’m here for!

As your coach, I am not here to tell you how to deal with infertility, but to support you in living your best life while dealing with infertility.

Read how other women describe the experience of working with me

“After I lost a family member and my job, I felt lost and emotionally out of balance. The support that Rianna gave me, was the perfect gift to help me move forward. Rianna guided me to open up the different layers and then helped me flip this information into something practical for the future. Every week something new surprised me in the different areas of my life. The framework she is using clarified many things, which led to revelations during the week, which helped me make new decisions. When I started working with Rianna, I was more selfless, this changed throughout the sessions and now I realize that I should not only take care of other people but that I need to do more things for myself and express who I am so that I can really serve the people around me with my biggest strengths. It was a very empowering experience and it uncovered a lot of things that really helped me move forward. Rianna was a crucial piece in the transition that I was going through.“
Laura - testimonial women empowerment coach Rianna Hijlkema
Laura Giosh-Markov
Positive Discipline workshop facilitator, Parent consultant, Counselor, and Music Therapist
“I contacted Rianna, because I was going through a deep down. I was feeling lost, I didn’t know where to start, I was overwhelmed with self-doubt and I had no clarity at all on where to go, or even to start. I was very confused and struggling in my current situation, trying to find my path. I resonated with Rianna’s message and was provoked by her way of living her life. In the first session, I shared what I thought were the most important areas of my life, but when we started digging in and analyzing what was behind them, they turned out to be something quite different. Rianna created a powerful structure in which she doesn’t make you dependent on the coach but gave me the power to continue going on without her. After this experience, I started doing things differently. I know now that, whenever there is a challenge or a conflict, I now have the tools to sit down, work through them and understand why I feel a certain way. Every session that we had, brought new interesting facts and new ways of looking at things. Rianna does an amazing way of guiding; very encouraging, supportive, but also challenging.”
Maria Kacharava
Support Service Team Leader

FAQ

Most frequent questions and answers

The most simple distinction I can make is that a coach is focused on the future, while a therapist is focused on the past. During the weekly sessions we will not dive deep into deep-rooted issues, instead we will focus on our current situation and the different ways in which we can improve this, with clear action steps.

All women who are working 1:1 with me are dealing with major life transitions: infertility, childless-not-by-choice. Some of them are dealing with PCOS, RIF, or low AMH, others got diagnosed with unexplained infertility. There are entrepreneurs, expat women, or women with corporate jobs, all looking for a way to deal with infertility while living their life.

With my background of 14 years in teaching, consulting, and coaching I have developed high levels of empathy, communication, and reflection to support you in living your best life.

After talking to so many women who are struggling in silence with infertility and or unsuccessful IVF resulting in childlessness, has increased my motivation to use my skills to help others feel empowered and fully alive!

Every session we will dive deep into one aspect of life. The framework will be crafted around your specific needs, desires, and personal situation.

Every month there are only 2 spots available for 1:1 coaching. After a 20-minute chat to get to know each other, you are able to join the following week.

Yes, I can guarantee you that if you put in 100% of your time, energy, and commitment you’ll receive way much more than you could have ever imagined. There’s so much power in coaching!